Caustic Material, Batman and Dishes on Fire.

After much traveling this past week I returned home to my fabulous tiny humans and regained the madness.  I dropped my bags, hugged the little buggers and was immediately bombarded with food requests…mainly McDonald’s and Chinese takeout.  Much to the chagrin of my children, I told them that I would be cooking because I was too tired to go to McDonald’s and too hungry to wait for takeout.  After an “oh man!” from Gavin and a “get the fire extinguisher ready” from Paige I set forth to make Sogn-Dewar comfort food, macaroni and cheese with hotdogs.

I turned on the music and became Betty Crocker.  After making my delectable meal in heavenly silence I realized that I had just made a whole meal in heavenly silence and began to become afraid…very, very afraid.  I walked down the hall and knocked on Paige’s door:
Me:  “Paige, what are you doing?”
Paige:  “Watching the best hockey fights of all time on Youtube and perfecting my recipe for earth friendly biodegradable plastic.”
Me:  “Please don’t play with caustic materials in your bedroom it’s unsanitary.”
Paige:  “I don’t have anything caustic, ergo the earth friendly part…duh!!!!!!!!!!!”
Unfortunately this seemed quite reasonable to me.

I then heard a voice from the bathroom singing....
Gavin: “Nahnahnahnahnahnahnah, BATMAN!  BATMAN!  Nahnahnahnahnahnahnah, BATMAN! BATMAN!”
Me:  “Gavin, what are you doing?”
Gavin:  “Ummmmmm….nofing??”
Me:  “Open the door.”
Gavin:  “Grrrrr…fine.”
Gavin very slowly open the door and peered out.  At that moment I saw that he had taken a marker and drew all over his face.
Me:  “What the—are you KIDDING me?”
Gavin (who was dressed in black from head to toe):  “I am BATMAN!”
Me:  “I see that.  How are you going to get that off?”
Gavin:  “Ummm…I didn’t fink about that.”
The strange part about this whole situation is that my second thought (after how are you going to get that off) was ‘when did you add another alter-ego’?  I didn’t have any time to question Gavin as the fire alarms started to blare through our apartment…again.

Meanwhile in the kitchen...
I had remembered to take the macaroni and cheese with hot dogs off the hot burner, but in my startling realization that my house was quiet I had set a plate on the burner which was still on high.  I learned last night that:
A.  Corelle dishes ARE destructible as they will start on fire if you leave them on a hot burner still turned on high.
B.  You probably should use a potholder to remove said Corelle dishes, even after you put the fire out, as they will remain hot for quite some time after they start on fire.

But, I digress.

Fast-forward to today.  I get home from work and am greeted by a VERY affectionate 8 year old dressed as Sonic the Werehog (a much welcomed alter ego tonight). 
Me:  “That’s a nice way to come home.”
Gavin:  “I love you infinity.”
Me:  “What did you do?”
Gavin:  “Ummm…I forgot to wear my socks to school.”
Me:  “I made you put them on this morning.”
Gavin:  “I took them off when you were looking for your keys.”
Me:  “Why?”
Gavin:  “Werehogs don’t need socks!”
Are you kidding me???

Five minutes after explaining to Gavin that he needs to wear socks to school; I received a call from Gavin’s teacher.  After a friendly exchange of ‘how are you’ and ‘how ‘bout that weather’ Gavin’s teacher expressed concern over his lack of socks AND the black eye that he has (remnants of the marker face paint job he did to himself).  I explained the whole situation to her, the alter egos, the black marker, lack of socks, et al.  After a few moments of very uncomfortable silence she burst out laughing and said, “I think you’ve got your hands full with those two kids!” 

So, after dodging a call to social services, dealing with caustic materials (or lack thereof), a new alter ego, marker face paint jobs, no socks, and a call from the school; I am exhausted and am going to fill the rest of the night with whatever mindless rubbish is on TV tonight.

No need to post a score tonight as it is very evident who won this one.